For your enjoyment: two videos, one of Breakfast At The Manor, starring Rooney Lee; and one of me attempting to leave the house with Beowulf en route to his vet appointment, starring the vocal stylings of Zille.
Breakfast At The Manor:
Video opens with a shot of a smallish orange and white Cornish Rex cat, the inimitable Rooney Lee, standing in the kitchen floor staring at the camera.
Roo: FEED ME. FEED ME NOW.
Tink, wandering briefly into frame: Is something interesting happening?
Me (off-camera as always): Let’s go get your bowl!
Camera turns as I turn to go down the hall to Roo’s room and get his bowl. We get a glimpse of the confused head of Braxton Bragg. Roo continues to issue demands.
Roo: JUST FEED ME.
Me, turning the camera back so we can see Roo as he decides to follow me: C’mon, we gotta get your bowl!
Roo: Oh, fine. Let’s get my bowl.
Zille: I know where his bowl is! It’s right here!
Roo: My bowl’s right here! GET MY BOWL. PICK IT UP! Now go this way!
(Bowl is picked up and I turn to exit Roo’s room, showing girldogs in hallway)
Girldogs: Can we have food, too?
(I walk to kitchen, where Roo is waiting on the counter)
Roo: FEED ME NOW.
(I set the bowl on the counter, Roo checks it out)
Roo: THIS BOWL IS EMPTY GODDAMIT.
Me: It’s your bowl!
Roo: I know! BUT IT IS EMPTY. I love it anyway.
Me: It’s yours.
(Roo paces back and forth on the narrow strip of counter in front of the sink as I get his food from the fridge)
Roo: HURRY UP WITH THAT I AM STARVING. STARVING! MAKE WITH THE FOOD FOR THE LOVE OF CAT!
Me: Gross food. Setting camera down a sec.
Roo: Will this make you go faster with the food?
(The camera is placed on the counter so we get an excellent view of the side of the refrigerator and Roo’s bowl. Also, Roo’s feet as he continues to monitor the feeding process. Off-camera, some rustling of plastic as I open the ziploc bag holding Roo’s food.)
Roo: Hurry! Oh, I love my food. HURRY WITH THE FOOD.
(The camera is picked up again so that it gets a clear view of Roo’s breakfast being dumped into his bowl, and Roo beginning to chow down. Everyone loves a happy ending!)
Zille Has Hysterics:
The video opens with a shot of the stove and a corner of my counters. It is quite dark, because it is 0545 and I have turned the lights out preparatory to leaving the house with Beowulf for his vet appointment.
Me: The Why Don’t I
Zille: I WANNA GO TOOOO
Me: Get to Go
Zille: I WANNA GOOOO
Zille: I WANNA GO WIIIIIITH
Me: By Zille
(The camera turns to glance at dog crates, then proceeds toward the side door)
Zille: NO ONE LOVES ME I WANT TO GO WIIIIITH YOOOOOUUU. I AM UNLOVED AND ABUSED. THIS CAUSES ME GREAT PAIN, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO, AND IF ANY DOG DESERVES TO HAVE ADVENTURES IT IS ME, FOR I AM A GOOD DOG.
(Camera turns back to see Tink standing behind me)
Roo, heard in the distant background: LET ME OUT OF MY ROOM I NEED MORE FOOD.
Tink: Don’t leave me alone with these noisy bastards.
Me: She’s very noisy, huh, Tink?
Tink: If she doesn’t shut up, I’ll smother her.
Zille: GET ME OUT OF THIS CRATE AND TAKE ME TOO OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS A HORROR.
I should note for the record that Zille shows no signs of actual separation anxiety. She only throws these loud and dramatic fits if another dog is going somewhere and she is not. Oh and also she occasionally does it when I get home from work, but only before I have opened the door to the house. She does not, however, panic and try to escape her crate, show signs of anxiety when crated, or otherwise show distress. She just REALLY wants to be the dog who goes along, if any dog is going to go anywhere at all.