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Answering Googled questions

“What happens when a turtle bites you”

Need more data. Please specify type of turtle. But I’ll take a shot at answering for a few types of turtle.
1) If it is a snapping turtle, your finger will fall off. Seriously. They can bite your finger off and they are freaky fast for something that looks like a living fossil. Never, ever get your fingers near a snapping turtle’s mouth.

2) If it is a box turtle, you will spend a suitable amount of time feeling ashamed of yourself for having fallen asleep with your hand right in front of a turtle. They are not freaky fast. Also you will probably bleed some because those little beaks can be sharp, and as always, there’s a risk of infection.

Yes, I know, I’m clearly scraping the bottom of the barrel for posts and it’s only Thursday. Maybe sometime today one of the dogs will be unbearably cute! But you know, I find queries about being bitten by turtles ALL THE TIME in the search terms that lead people here. I find it interesting that people are so deeply concerned about being nommed by a chelonian. The other queries that get people here tend to center around whether or not you are allowed to pet a service dog.

Here is the easy answer to all those: No. Only the service dog’s handler gets to pet the service dog. This is because service dog handlers are cruel people who like to taunt you with their dogs by petting them in public, and not at all because it can be very dangerous for the handler if you are trying to distract the service dog.